So this is it: I awoke this morning with the knowledge that today I'll be leaving Cape Town. For the past few weeks I've been comforted by the assurance that soon I'd be heading back to the States, where my family, my friends, Skidmore, a fantastic summer job, where everything would be waiting for me. But now that the moment is at hand, now that only a few meager hours separate me from a plane to take me away, I feel uncertain, conflicted, and saddened by my imminent departure. While so much has happened to me while here, and I've learned so much about myself and the world, I have to come to terms with knowing that so much has happened to the people I left behind as well: that they too have changed, and perhaps that change has led them in a different direction than the one they were headed in when I left. We've all grown in separate spheres, and I worry now that I'm going to re-insert myself into the old spaces and find that those places are outdated and abandoned, or that my new, older self won't fit into the spaces of old, and I'll be forced to cram myself into something that doesn't fit.
I don't want to go back and find that life is the same as when I left: I embarked on this experience with the expectation that I would come out of it a different person, but now that I'm thinking about all the things that have happened to me and all of the things I've seen over the past six months, I'm afraid that the routine of life on the other side will lull me into a previous self, and within some arbitrary length of time I will regress into a marketable version of "before." I miss the things I had and the person I was, but I know that in missing them I can make myself better for the future. Because now I'm looking at the future--working this summer, on
e last semester at Skidmore, trying to find a job or perhaps a career that challenges me and fulfills me--and I'm afraid of what's to come, all of the uncertainties, but I believe that my self now, versus the one who boarded the plane in Boston six months ago, is ready for the challenge.I loved Cape Town from the moment I set foot here, and loved even more the opportunity to explore this vibrant, diverse, troubled, growing city, with people who take the time to talk and share and who look to the future with hope that things will be better. I've met the most amazing people imaginable, both Americans abroad, local Cape Townians, South Africans, Zimbabweans, Mozambiquens, Afri-CANs, and many, many others who have helped me along my journey and who have left an impression on my heart and mind. I can only hope that somewhere, somehow, I've left my mark on this fantastic, chaotic place that will draw me back.
So today I say "Goodbye Cape Town... For now" and look to the future with hope and big dreams.
While I'm leaving Cape Town for a while, Shaun and I are super excited about the next phase of our adventure here: our week-long camping safari along the Eastern Cape, through S
waziland and into Kruger National Park, where we'll end next week in Johannesburg for a day and a half before flying back to the States. We've spent this previous week hanging around the city, enjoying some of the sites that have become so familiar to me, and loving the delicious foods that Cape Town has to offer. Basically it's been one long, drawn out meal since the time he arrived. Thank goodness we've been doing so much walking! Getting to share what has become home to me has been an incredible experience, and I couldn't think of a better person to travel with than my older brother. For the next week we're not going to have reliable internet, so unfortunately you're going to have to wait until we get back from South Africa to get the details on the safari. Stay tuned!
